A Letter to My Rapist

20 Aug

Dear N,

I’ve been missing in action for so long that I know you thought I was gone for good. You never hesitate to tell the world when you think you’ve won. I’m sorry to disappoint you this time.

It took me quite a while – almost 2 years to be exact – but I’m back. And just like I promised, I’m armed with the truth and ready for war.

Remember when you were driving me home, after you held me in place and got your sexual jollies out of me on that cold cut of wooden table, and I screamed that you should have killed me? I meant it, but back then it was for a different reason. Because of what you did to me, I wanted to die. I used to pray every night that I would go to sleep and stay that way. I kept breathing, every day feeling angrier than the day before because my prayer went unanswered.

Today, I’m so glad I told you those words, because I’m alive with blood boiling in my veins, and you are finally, finally going to be made to regret the terrible things you did to me. You’re going to remember my name one more time. When everything is said and done and your life and reputation lie in ruins around you – just like you did to me – you will sorely wish that on the day you raped me, you used some of your perverted strength to put me in the ground. That instead of handing me my skirt and driving me home, you beat me to death or drove me off a cliff. Because you left me alive, God has avenged me.

I would do anything to be around on the day that you get the sheet of paper that tells you I’m back – but you can imagine me sitting at home with a bowl of popcorn and a smile instead.

Thank you for giving me the most satisfying moment of my life.

Until we meet again,

E.A.

4 Responses to “A Letter to My Rapist”

  1. Sarah Wilson September 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm #

    Hi E.A.
    I have been reading your blog. Your letter to your rapist is very strong, your intentions and feelings come across clearly. It’s amazing that you have managed to pick yourself up from such an ordeal and are moving on with your life. True strength is in getting up again when life knocks you down. How have you managed to turn things around and gone from how you felt at the time it happened and how you feel now? Did you have any therapy, counselling or help of some kind?

    I don’t mean to pry, and I know that you probably don’t want tor reveal the details, but how has God avenged you? I’m not particularly religious, so I’m not sure what God can do and if He could do something, wouldn’t he have stopped it from happening in the first place? At least that’s how I feel, and maybe that’s why I’m not religious!

    I hope that you continue on your journey to recovering from this experience and that you do not have to go through anything like this again. I’m assuming that you do not really wish to meet this person again, but hope you come out of the other end even stronger than you were before.

    Regards,
    S.Wilson

    • E. A. January 30, 2013 at 3:48 pm #

      It won’t be long, but soon I’ll be able to answer all your questions as best as I can. You’re not prying at all. Sorry for the delay, and thank you for visiting, Sarah!

  2. thecatalystsforchange February 6, 2017 at 8:40 pm #

    Incredible post- you are so strong.
    Wishing you the best.

  3. thecatalystsforchange February 6, 2017 at 8:41 pm #

    Reblogged this on The Phoenix Rises.

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